ABOUT ME

Saturday, April 29, 2006

the rhythm still goes on



i seriously have no idea why i'm still here at this hour typing this, when i should be in bed, and brandon's still here to chat with me on msn. man, i miss him.

i dont know why, but everything today seems so symbolic, as if its trying to tell me something. or maybe its just me. i dropped my ipod ear protector before i stepped out of the gate, so i decided to leave the other side in my pocket. on the way home, while i was fumbling through my pockets, i stumbled upon it again. i was contemplating to throw it away cause i knew i wouldnt be able to find the other side, but i stuffed it back into my pocket. when i got home, while climbing up the stairs, i actually found that lost pair! but when i overturn all my pockets, i couldnt find the one i supposedly stuffed back into my pocket. does it mean that everytime you expect to find something, you never will. but it comes out when you least expect it? no, it means that i should just fuck it.

a couple of very bad things that occured to me in zouk/phuture:
1.couples whether they're together or not, busy caressing each other.
2.my knee giving way at the wrong time.
3.a young lady who was attempting to rip my heart out and stab it a million times.
4.the appearance of Mr H.D, to add on to everything bad that was mentioned above.

i guess you already know me inside out, that you know exactly where my heart, intestines and kidneys are. and you happen to be the only one who can do so, and only your words will pierce through my heart as if it wasnt even there at all. surprisingly, nothing really got me today, i dont know why. i seriously swear that i would've walked out of the damn club so many times. but you know what? i didn even think about it. not until now. i used to tell myself that you're the only person's mind i can never read and i can never antisipate what you'll do next. probably that just a very blatant excuse to cover up for my stupidity. the biggest idiots on earth arent the ignorant ones, but the willing ones. i am a big idiot i know. i'm in love.a very long time ago i was, and still am.

i'm emphasising for the umpteen time that i have no intentions at all in trying to disrupt your plans or whatsoever. neither am i still harbouring the thought that something may happen along the way some day. i've gotten your point loud and clear. it ended that very day, there and then. and i will not harp on that again. even if i do, it'll be only to myself. i know you were probably expecting a very lengthy letter from me. you are half right, cause i wrote it, and tore it away. there's no sense in giving you a chuck of rubbish which you already know the content inside out, which will most likely spoil whatever friendship we share now. i'm contented with what i have now, and even happier to know that you enjoyed yourself so much tonight/this morning(apparently you did). i ask of nothing else, really. and IF there were to be a day that you wanna make a U-turn, i'm still here, and always will be.

brandon's offline already. time for me to hit the cribs too. goodnight to the world, who didnt see the tears hidden in my eyes, the world that only contains one person.

quote of the day:
'she has stood by me for 3 years. she has always been the nicest to me and she will do anything for me. but its time it ends.'

but it's too hard to say
i wish it were simple
but we give up easily
you're close enough to see that
you're the otherside of the world to me


i'll love you again, for the very last time, and always



even when i die

baring my soul
at 4:34 AM