ABOUT ME

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

i want so much to open up your eyes


i'm not sure what on earth am i doing online at this time of the day, either do i have an agenda. probably its just that for the millionth time, i cant seem to get to sleep. or is it that i dont want to sleep. damn, i hate this kinda feeling. i hate using the World Cup fever as an excuse not to sleep. i just dont wanna close my eyes. i find it so painful to find out once in a while, that i'm actually living in self-denial, where i keep telling myself that i'm over and done with it, but i turned out to be so far from that. i guess even more so now. i dont know whether to be happy that you've finally gotten out of this whole draggy mess, or should i feel sour and hope that you'd get a breakup soon. even if you do get one(not that i'm really hoping you will), i wouldn be the one nursing your wounds. i figured, i will never be the one.

i feel so useless now, that i'm jobless, broke, i've nothing but a bank full of time. i'm a total bummer and a pauper. i just dont understand why i cant seem to want to do anything about it. i'm so aimless and i constantly feel as if i shouldnt even exist in this world. sometimes, i cant even be bothered going out with my homies.

i'm not going to be around for long, and i thought now it'll be even easier for me to leave, but yet everytime i think about it, i just feel so rotten inside. so this is finally something new that i experience, and maybe for the last time, this hurts the most. for the first time, i'm admitting that it really really is painful. but can you see the hidden tears behind my eyes?



when you come back down
if you land on your feet
i hope you'd find a way to make it back to me





so that you'll look into mine

baring my soul
at 5:04 AM