ABOUT ME

Friday, September 01, 2006

i'm lonely outside

nights like this when i end up tossing and turning in my bed, i realise how much i have to say. but when i sit in front of this rectangular block, all prepared to type my life away, i find myself loss for words. not because of my limited vocabulary, but the very fact that the things that i have in mind are too overwhelming, i have no idea where to start from and how to continue from there.

so i find myself going on and on, round in circles typing issues of no relevance, and ultimately annoying myself, and my readers, if there are any to begin with.

there was a particular night that i was feeling extremely skeptical about certain issues, i start to wonder if anyone had ever done me any unjust, or is it that i'm just far too forgiving, that i do not bare the grudge. i'd love to think that i'm magnanimous, but i know i'm not. perhaps i was far to wounded to speak, or i just wish to forget about everything all together.

following that, i couldnt help thinking of how it felt to be abandoned for no apparent reason, and end up having to blame myself, cause i couldnt think of anything else to account for. is this considered sheer stupidity or the lack in ability to self-defend?

and now, i'm left to decipher if i'm to carry on with life and act as if nothing has happened and nothing is ever going to happen, or am i supposed to wait for a miracle to happen. sometimes, i need signs, or even more obvious, answers. i'm a first semester psychology student, who has just been exposed to abnormal behaviours and development, nothing more nothing less. i'm not god, nor am i you. i cant read you.

do you even know what i'm trying to get at?



jaded


so i look on in

baring my soul
at 2:03 AM