ABOUT ME

Thursday, May 31, 2007

on my island of hope

i find it so queer, how can someone my size, actually feel comfortable in just jeans, tee and a skimpy jacket pulled over, when my other friends, who are much bigger in size (including caucasians), clad in coats, boots and scarfs, be shivering in 10 degrees celcius? i wasnt quite able to get the answer until tonight. i cant feel much of the coldness externally, cause nothing beats the coldest within me. i wouldnt be shivering outside, when i already am inside, would i?

have you ever felt that loneliness and sorrows can be such familiar feelings that you've never seem to be able to take them away? as scary as it may sound, these feelings actually pull you closer to someone whom you've always wanted to spend the rest of your life with. it is the exact same feeling as when missing and loving someone has been habitualised, and it is already a part of you, something you can never erase. this is not emo, nor is it sadistic, and it is hardly pessimistic. its just life. the life of someone whose soul is hardly ever there.

is it harder to accept things when it comes to you all of the sudden? or is it more difficult to handle it as it comes in grandually, bit by bit, the way it shreads your life into little tiny pieces? i've never thought that it would be so difficult to swallow something that i've long anticipated, when its thrown into my face. i find myself struggling to put the pieces together. then it came to me, that all along, it had been nothing, but self-assurance. how live-saving and devilish can that be at the same.

with murphy's law: what can go wrong, will go wrong, i think we should all smile, cause tomorrow's going to be worse anyway. so there is no point in getting furious over unjust, or devestated over a broken heart that was never there in the first place.

when we try to heal our wounds without using our own bare hands, is when we really feel the pain. in my opinion, the hardest thing to accomplish in life, is self-redemption.


tonight, the melody will cease to dance around the angel


let me surround you

baring my soul
at 3:22 AM