ABOUT ME

Sunday, May 06, 2007

on the other side of the highway

after wiping all the sweat on my forehead, i found myself muttering, 'i'm not there yet'. as painful as it may sound, so sad but true. how long more is there to go. should i give up just here, or would it put all the effort to waste?

i think its the times where you sit alone in the middle of no where, doing nothing in particular, just watching the people who passes by, when you find the most peculiar things and people. what i observed today, made me wonder how can some people be in favour of others, yet demand respect from them using profanities. how can some one actually take things for granted and think that the things people do for them are obligations and not out of good will. i found myself shaking my head in disbelief, with a tinge of exasperation.

is it possible to be extremely sensitive and insensitive beyond words at the same time? the only possibility that i can come up with, is being sensitive to oneself, and insensitive to the others around. this is the ultimate example of a selfish prick. this is who i am, i just came to realise that. acknowleging a mistake is one of the bravest thing to do. inside, i admit that i'm wrong, but on the surface, i'm nonchalent about this realisation. so on the inside, i'm the bravest knight, but on the outside, i'm only a bloody coward.

at times, i realise that i wished i was the only person left on this earth. not that i'm that selfish, wanting this world to myself, but its only when you're the only one left alive, there are many inter-personal problems that can be avoided. with that, there wouldnt be any intra-personal problems either. i used to think that i'm quite a inter-personal person, but as i grew older, i realise that i'm wrong. i'm the worst inter-personal person, cause i'll try to avoid conflict as much as i can. and even if such conflicts arise, i'll avoid having to clear up the mess, by acting oblivious about the hurt that i've caused the other party, and the hurt the other party inflicted on me. this is not problem-solving. its suppression. may be sometimes i should just fuck that ego and all that self-pride, probably things would be much better.

i want to wake up where you are. cause there's often that urge to prove that there's still that image in my mind. do you wake up to wonder where you are, you live with all your faults? when you try your best but you dont succeed, when you get what you want but not what you need, when youre so tired but you cant sleep, i wish the lights will guide you home. what you feel is what you are, and what you are is beautiful. thats all i want to tell you.

your silence is the most beautiful thing i have left


please dont ever let go

baring my soul
at 4:53 AM