ABOUT ME

Thursday, May 03, 2007

try to say goodbye and i choke

the paradoxical feeling of enjoying the luxury of being served and cared for and at the same time, that disgust of being a parasite. that feeling is so intensed, it makes me want to burst into tears. the agony of not being to do the slightest thing for yourself, like removing your trousers. what a shame.

i tend to sit down at a corner, on my own, in the midst of a rowdy party to ponder about things that i've done and those that i've not. such images are usually triggered by my surroundings. how queer isnt it? then i'll wonder, if the things you do are ever worth the effort you put in, despite the outcome. but then again, isnt the worth of something you do
a measure of the outcome? this makes me wonder, what can be worse than a love for someone that goes to waste or losing something you'll never be able to replace?

i think time's getting tighter these days, which makes everyone so uptight. i have a hunch that certain strings are going to snap soon, i just dont know what. and if they really do, i think i wouldnt be able to fix them back. i'm not a pro at these kind of things, cause i think i have the tendency to avoid such situations.

if memory hasnt failed me, or my sensometer isnt overrated, i think i somehow recalled someone telling me once, that things will happen, but not to me. i remembered being dumbfounded by that, cause if there's no through road to the destination i've set out for, i'll have no where else to go.

finally, i'm out of words.

i try to keep my cool, but i'm feigning


try to walk away and i stumble

baring my soul
at 2:45 AM