ABOUT ME

Friday, June 15, 2007

for the things that we've cry for

everytime you feel THIS close to giving up, stop, take a very long and deep breath (not till you stop breathing of course), think about what you've set out to accomplish, clench you fists and carry on. not exactly university tips, just life in general.

the topic of the day: "how can one dumb fucker actually create so much chaos and make everyone so miserable?"
quote of the year: "some people, JUST DONT GET IT!"
sentiment of the year: " sometimes its just better to learn to let go."

i have come to a point, where i feel that nothing else really matters anymore. not that i'm feeling miserable about anything in particular. as annoyingly optimistic i may try to force it to be, it is true. i'm not heartbroken since there isnt any to begin with, probably i'm just sour. i'm not lost, just not bothered to sort things out. i know things have to change and there are a lot of things that i'll ultimately have to face, just like how i wake up every morning thinking how am i ever going to face you. really, sometimes i hope that things will just work out without having to even try. FAT HOPE!

i've been so damn upset these couple of days. not with anyone or anything in particular, but just upset with myself. sometimes i just understand how can i actually be aware of something not able to do anything about it? maybe not being able to do anything about it is just an excuse for not wanting to try harder, but i cant seem to find an answer to why is it so. it gets so upsetting, it spoils my day, including many others' around me, and i would be solemn for the rest of the entire day. why do i have to make things so ugly sometimes. and why do i always say things that i dont mean and end up hurting people close to me? this makes me sound so disgusting i know, cause i am that disgusting. i'm so sorry for what i've done and said, i heart you my bugs bunny.

my watch's alarm just sounded, reminding me that it is 6.27am in the morning. i have a papaer in slightly more than 24 hours later and i'm not even half done with it. this just tells me how screwed up i am most of the time. how sad is that?

i was intending to dedicate a recent post to this particular "event" if you would like to call it. not that i want to imply anything, but i just thought that it would be nice to reminise about it once in a while. it would have been wonderful if we had this joyous occasion to celebrate, but clearly, two years ago, it was never meant to be, that now, it was never meant to work out. thats why now, you are where you are, and i am doing what i'm doing. dont get me wrong, but i really really tried to put everything i had and could into it, that i got so frustrated with you and myself, i lost it. it shouldnt have been this way, but admit it, we both asked for it. not that i would expect you have ever been mourning about it since the day it ended, but it just made me realise, for the every tear that i've shed when everything was still surviving, none of them were ever meant for you. but still, i thank you for everything you've and have not done.

okay, the bloody birds are driving me crazy. i need to sleep before i bite again.


suck real hard on your lollipop, cause love's gonna get you down


we try to make them all go away

baring my soul
at 6:15 AM