ABOUT ME

Sunday, June 17, 2007

stumbling on my life

tonight happened to be a very tensed night, the kind of feeling i would never ever want to experience again. i cant quite remember how long ago has it been when days were just so peaceful, its starating to feel painful. i know i'm somehow asking for it, but how do you expect me to just walk away from it? even if someone ever asks me to, i will never be able to bring myself to do that.

you happen to emerge at very queer moments, so subtly, i can never predict. just like many other nights, you once again did tonight. sometimes, i just wonder why. i'm not going to pretend about the way the left me, which left me with no hope, no love and all my pride gone to waste. we've once loved like it is going to be forever, and now, we live the rest of our lives, but not together. this has been the hardest story that i've told, but i'm not going to act as if there is ever going to be a happy ending. tonight, my world felt like it was falling inwards. tonight, i found myself trying hard not to be miserable. tonight, my heart bled for you.

many times, i find myself waging wars with myself about a lot of things. and even after waging these wars, i still wouldnt be able to come up with any conclusions, but only to find myself filled with bruises and scars. is it really that difficult to let go of something? or is it just that we tell ourselves that it is impossible to? there are so many variations of answers to this, i really dont know which to settle for. courage is the strength to let go of the familiar, which is something i've never been able to muster.

an old love gone to waste

trying to find a way out

baring my soul
at 4:59 AM