ABOUT ME

Saturday, September 15, 2007

instead of kneeling in the sand

nights like this, i feel so lonely, i get out of bed, come right here and try to make myself feel better. i was just thinking to myself, that i'm going to turn 21 pretty soon. its not that soon, but really, it just comes like that. then i drifted off to how things would be like in the future, and it just stops there. i cant seem to go on dreaming about the future, cause honestly, there's nothing to dream of anymore. i'm not attempting to sound nostalgic here, but its just a cold, hard fact i cant change. it all ended then and there, it just took me a long while to realise that. and i mean a really long while. sometimes i just wonder why, and i wonder what really went wrong. was it you or was it me, or are we both innocent. i dont know, you tell me.

it has really been a year, a long year. i remember ranting on how upset i felt while getting daddy's birthday present, and how it made me feel so far away from home. this year, this time, i did the birthday present shopping once again. its amazing how time flies. its as if i didnt already know that for a fact. the only thing that hasnt change, is that i still feel so far away from home. but this time round, definitely one thing has changed. you're no longer that far away from me, cause you're no longer there anymore. you've gone so far away, it seems as if you've disappeared into thin air, disappeared out of my life totally. i dont know whether to be happy about that, or continue being sore about it. sometimes, i'd rather not know.

i havent been here for quite awhile. havent been consistent at all. cause i suppose there's nothing much to talk about, life seems to go on anyhow, whether you like the way it is or not, whether you realise you've not done things you're supposed to or not, it just doesnt wait. just like how time never waited for me, and four years just swept pass like that. four years of nothing, doesnt make it seem any way magnanimous. and i'd rather not be so.

but its okay, it isnt wrong to be alone. it isnt pathetic to have nothing to look forward to and think about. who am i trying to kid?

i'm finally getting alittle tired. maybe i should catch the wave of fatigue before i miss it again.

my heart drenched in wine
but you're on my mind


catchin tear drops with my hand

baring my soul
at 3:05 AM