ABOUT ME

Sunday, October 21, 2007

i know this silence

trance songs dont only make you high. surprisingly, it makes me mello. i was told that thats what slow trance do to you. its amazing how you can have lets-roc-this-party-down kind of music, and i-think-i-need-something-to-calm-me-down types. anyhow, i love both. trance blows my mind away. and now, cause you know cant stop playing on my play list. i just dont know how to stop it.

we love but we leave. it doesnt seem to go very well together, these two words. but the sad thing is, thats the way things are for me. i will leave what i love, i will leave those i adore. maybe i should say i used to adore. it'll be more apt that way. i've sat down to ponder about it, and i've decided who i should never lose and who i just shouldnt give a fuck about. i love my parents, my brother and i love my favourite pair.

i think i should dedicate this to my best friend. i dont know how to describe how i feel towards you. i think i can love you with all my heart, without even considering if i am ever going to lose it. i've lost it before, but it doesnt stop me, not at all. you have no idea how much i treasure things now, things between us. undoubtly, i miss the days where you, gen and i had so much fun in this prison. you guys made life less tragic, so much more life to it. the sudden urge to get bubble-tea. the crazy study for one hour and the next two hours filled with "educational" talks. sometimes, a hug from you can make everything stressful and sad go away. no you're not my girlfriend. no you're not the one i desire to have as a partner. you're so much more than that. you and chloe make up so much of my life now, it makes me not want to go home for the summer. thank you for making me realise your importance in the hard way. i'm not bearing a grudge, cause there is nothing for me to hold against you. i believe no matter how much people, or you yourself say that you're practical and you'll only do things to benefit yourself, i think you mean well for me. i love you, best friend.

2 weeks more. 2 weeks more before everything this semester will come to an end. maybe its the time for major self-reflection. maybe its time for more changes. but maybe things will just stay the way it is now. thats the best choice, in my view. for the better, not the worse, i hope everyone around or not, well. its time to thank those who have played a big part in my one and a half years of uni life, whether or not i mean a thing to these people anymore. i'm thankful for their existence, and for everything that they have and have not done. i will still be around.

i'm ready to brace the probable worst time of my semester. but following the quote that i've chose to stick to this semester, "this time round, nothing can bring me down". only you control your fate, and God only helps those you help themselves. so the first thing everyone should do, is to know thyself. do i already know that?

should i wait for you mercy


i've been blinded by your door

baring my soul
at 3:23 AM