ABOUT ME

Friday, October 12, 2007

we might as well be strangers

i havent been into this site long enough to miss its url as i was scanning for it. not that it particularly means anything, maybe i'm just trying to emphasize how much i've been robbed of free time. these days, the bulk i spend typing on are reports, essays or msn (discussing how to answer assignment questions). its so rusty, i dont seem to be able to let such words flow out of my fingers anymore.

i cant quite say whether i'm for changes or not. for the good or the bad, as long as its a change, its bad to me. i hate this word, as much as i hate the way people have a change of hearts. we only live to have one heart, how can it change so many times? with that, what happens to those that have their hearts locked to just that one person? can a heart ever die?

its this time of the semester that many, including me, start to get extremely uptight and mello. i cant really explain why, in general, but i supposed its that the workload is getting heavier and the stress of exams are starting to kick in. this makes everyone feel like going home. but home is just so damn far away. i dont even feel that familiar feeling anymore. i wonder if its the effect of prolonged departure from home. but still, i want to go home.

after a 2 hour long conversation over the phone, it got me thinking about alot of things that i thought that i could conveniently put behind me for now. i suppose there's always a reason for these things to surface. i hope that it isnt in attempt to add more pressure to me, cause i'm currently immersed in a pressure cooker, i dont need more of that. all the talk of shrunk ego, loneliness, stress, hate of changes and home-sickness just make me feel even smaller than i already do (no pun intended on my size).

why is it so surprising when i say i need a life? i really do now. i'm not as happening as i seem during the holidays, as when i am during the school semester. my life during the semester pretty much revolves around hall, uni and iga. how exciting does that sound? so dont think i dont have my down days, i really do. i dont know if i hide it well, but i never had the intentions to. maybe only from my parents, in attempts to be a filial child, which i assume i've been doing a pretty decent job.

we never really considered the fact that one day, the world will stop revolving around ourselves, as much as we try to insist that we are not at all self-centered. if we only learn how to see from another person's point view and not jump into conclusions, ranting our lives out about how unfair we've been treated. unlike children, we do this by choice. so it seems that we arent very much distinguishable from children, are we?

if only live could be more peaceful than it is now, the world would be a better place to live in.

i remember everything you want me to forget


living in another world

baring my soul
at 1:51 AM