ABOUT ME

Monday, January 14, 2008

i want you to notice

do you often get the urge to want to go back to the place you never thought you belonged in? that weird sense of belonging seems to be luring me. perhaps that is the place where i have a reason to feel lonely. it gives me a reason to cry. but who ever said that we need reasons to cry? if we dont need any, then why am i trying so hard to hide those tears? and after those tears and courage, where does all the effort go to?

we are the the sole victims of our hypocrisies and lies. cause i always feel that if you hurt people with the truth that you've tried to hide, you'll end up hurting yourself even harder. why do we have to try so hard just to behave in a way that we ourselves dont approve of? that we have to cover our true selves just to fit in. if the world cannot contain people who are different, why should we even be given a chance to exist?

a friend told me not too long ago, that Aquarians do not mind being alone. in fact, they like that. not that i think its bull-shit, but i wonder to myself, being a true-blue Aquarian, how true is that? i suppose we all have to admit that no one wants to be alone. but the difference is, how many people actually go about attempting to shun any chance of being alone? i believe it is the people who constantly fill their lives with an endless list of people, who are the loneliest ones alive. and its when they realize how terrible it feels to stand in the crowd but yet still feel so alone, they fall. then accept that they were meant to be alone. thats where they stop trying so hard, they do nothing about it all together.

tonight, is a night where i feel like being true to myself at least, that life isnt so perfect after all. cause if i'm cursed to make the same mistake time and time again, i will never be right about. and for the very fact that i'm not suited to handle matters related to interpersonal relationships, i think i should not try at all. i truly deserve to be alone. and i'm fine with it. i dont have a choice, do i?

i stand in the crowd alone, hoping that one day, i'll see you in the midst of people.

through the narrow door, i break into a run


when i'm not around

baring my soul
at 4:24 AM